L'Hopital's rule

I was talking to one of my not-girlfriends the other day, so called because she's a girl and a friend but not a girlfriend, and she was asking me why people are always asking her “why are you still single”. You know, because she’s smart and funny and cute and interesting and has a good job and so on and so forth. After I suppressed my first reaction of immediately offering marriage, which I knew she would decline but that’s another story, I got to thinking about the issue, and I realized I have just the opposite problem.
Namely, nobody ever asks me why *I’m* still single, which presumably means I’m either dimwitted, humorless, fat, boring or unemployed. But I think I have a solution, which I got part from an old Monty Python episode (which is a bit redundant, isn’t it, since there aren’t any new Monty Python episodes) about a scheme to sell boring people bits of the lives of interesting people, which reminds me of the story of L’Hopital’s rule, something you learn about in calculus, and it doesn’t really matter what the rule is, the point is, L’Hopital’s rule wasn’t actually invented by L’Hopital, but by Johann Bernoulli, who (are you ready for this?) sold the rights to the discovery to L’Hopital. So you see the Monty Python skit had more truth to it that you might suspect.
But L’Hopital was a French nobleman who could afford to buy stuff and I’m not (unless maybe I have a long lost great uncle in France I’ve never heard about, which is not completely impossible) so I had to come up with a different idea, which I think will be the next eBay. I’ll set up an on-line computer system to trade the parts of my life I’ve got too much of, like brains, to someone else for something they’ve got too much of, like money or girlfriends, cause I’m sure that lots of people think they could do with a little less money or fewer friends...
Well, I still have to get some of the bugs worked out of the idea, but it’s viable, Monty Python and L’Hopital prove that.
I just now thought of a much easier way to solve the problem. I’ll just get a t-shirt made that says, “ask me why I’m still single”, and that’ll solve that problem, although I don’t know if people will really want to hold still while I explain about how I don’t have any long-long great uncles who are French nobles, let alone about L’Hopital’s rule, because people’s eyes tend to glaze over the minute they hear the word calculus, or even math. So I’ll have to find a similar story about some other topic, like maybe statistics, or economics.
Alternatively, I can get my not-girlfriend a t-shirt that says, “don’t ask me why I’m still single”. I guess I might have to get her several in case she wants to change clothes every now and then, and that’ll solve her problem.
I’m just a natural problem solver, I guess. Maybe I can go into business, telling people how to solve these problems like how to get rid of excess money.
Or t-shirt design, I have several ideas for t-shirts, and I hear there’s incredible profits to be made in t-shirt sales. Or was it that there are incredibly small profits? These distinctions are important: as Mark Twain observed, you don’t want to confuse the lightning with the lightning bug, and what a story Twain would have made of the case of L’Hopital’s rule. He had something of a sad life, although I don’t think he had people asking him why are you still single, or for that matter, people not-asking him the same thing, which just goes to show that you really can find a silver lining in most clouds, although if it’s a thunderstorm the lining might just make things even worse, since silver conducts electricity. On the other hand, maybe it will ground out the lightning, and there’s an application: figure out where the silver lining is in the cloud and reduce your risk of getting struck by lightning, but possibly increasing the risk of being swarmed by lightning bugs, depending on how they react to electricity, which I think would pretty thoroughly explain the issue of still being single. I’ll have to run that one by my not-girlfriend, see what she thinks.